vivin_c @ 2008-04-23T11: 21:00 'long, is probably boring and I suspect to have already spoken (though now I'm moving in a sort of quantum foam of mind in which the categories of before and after mix in more than a milkshake). Good luck.
Well, for starters, I'm not a misogynist, a misanthrope rather have me stand on the balls all, not just women. But even this is true, the question has to do with loneliness, and requires a small flash back to where I apologize to those who already know the background: a few years ago, I found myself in crisis black because I was left alone: the bride decades was gone, taking with him friends and I did not know well which way to turn. The solitude was always stronger than my fear, and there was now finished inside, liability in this event are not important, I can safely say that it was all my fault even if it is true, the fact is that no been able to get up and react quickly. Not only that, while I was in the mood I got well shit ringed chain, in itself perhaps silly, but what if you're not already own the life of the party quickly take you down to hell.
Now, the true solitude, the absence of connective tissue of any kind, is a strange condition, unhealthy. There is nothing to post things like "yes, but so in front of the * real * problems each can count only on itself ": when you're there and you're not prepared to face it goes mad, simply. But there's a nice ending: After you crazy, you've discussed, you are done tears, if you have not committed suicide one morning you wake up and you're shiny, like after the flu. Loneliness is not left you, but begin to look with new eyes, I appreciate some aspects, are you master of yourself .
I would ask those who came here without yawning, and that maybe we were past such as his moves in the case I imagine that many are thrown to find new friends, have redone the book, unable to conceive for him a conditions other than 'being connected', and I would like to know how much they have both seen all the way what it means to be alone and said they were "well, I should be okay." I still belong to the second category, loose cannon or free batter, and I spent a lot of time and energy to learn to be comfortable alone. I think it's basically terror in paroxysmal can stand again as bad as before, but I would not swear at the end and intention to act confused, it becomes natural to behave in a way that reflects your choice of just standing on your own.
However, this is the first step toward separation, and the company tends to forgive everything except the gaps on their own. Rather, she goes his way as he has always done, you who by that time you begin a grueling game destined to keep on a thin edge on the one hand, you do not want to become just like the Unabomber that cagava autofertilizzarsi Cucumbers for the garden, do not want get a pull shot into the crowd of walking domenticale: you have some residue of morality, but simply what makes you a person becomes extremely important, and among the things that you believe to be lawful for an individual fire on the passing is not included.
other hand, the extreme individualism does not lead very far: Yes, I am able to instruct the kebabbaro behind the office I want a Coke in bottles with no onions, and when within in her den now I must not even talk, they see me, make me your order, pay and go. At the supermarket I just say "no" when they ask me "card?", Then lean the ATM and I'm leaving. But there are other occasions, one or two charitable people who still remember you if they make a meal, a customer that you have to explain what you're selling, the colleagues with whom you can not always play the part of the lonely, if you do not want find yourself the target of bullying in a job that in itself is enough to be lobotomized.
short, look for a normal life after all, what you reserve is only a greater degree of choice
, often on matters TINIEST because on bigger ones still have a long way to go (send to hell the boss is not recommended if you want to continue paying the rent), for example I hardly go to lunch with colleagues, I prefer the quiet solitude of the gardens with a book or a comic book. Then see it as a form of contempt against them is up to them, or rather, it should be. But the complications begin here: your choices, all the choices that deviate from the common feeling too bland, you turn against, and maybe become "odious that never comes to lunch with the rest of us." For goodness sake, you can be one that really cares, but if you care so-so, if you're looking for basically just a little 'peace with yourself, the weather begins to get heavy, and means that you make a huge effort just to carry the game: how to poker, has relaunched with a light heart who has a huge point, who is very rich thanks to the hands before and can afford the loss, or crazy. I do not feel represented by any of the three categories, so I feel a certain weight to continue.
not enough, there is some difficulty in explaining to people connected to a system of rules what are you trying to say: first there is no common basis for dialogue nor a possible meeting of views: the positions are interpreted projected from both sides, namely "to my values and my system thought the person in front of me is saying the furious bullshit, and it is likely that you find me in the face of an idiot or a madman. "Second, be explained not end up becoming important, for our now semi-professional sociopath: no only the "you can not understand me", much to fourteen with broncin, is to deny even to themselves, however, that a choice is somehow more satisfying than wallow in the pain can also be a mistake. It becomes much more easier when people get tired and stop to give you a straight knock your balls with their own common sense, then you just have to go your way, without a rudder that is not what you yourself hold in your hand, but without references and discussion: You wanted the bike ride now.
short, it becomes unpleasant, and his antipathy envelops you like armor. Oh, it works well: there are very few things that you could touch, very few trade-offs that you must get in everyday life. But it is not just comfortable, it becomes extremely easy to get caught by the anger: why should I tolerate a behavior or a different opinion, though I feel that my not be the least considered? Not only that why you should accept the existing code of conduct if it receives not only the weight, but the illogic, the charge of hypocrisy, even instability intrinsic? It is said that what is "permissible" to think today will be in forty years, and I do not think so arrogant as to say that what you think today is just
more than forty years ago.
Go back to the dilemma whether to shoot into the crowd of all those who you are or you could be a pain, but seeing as how it was said there is no need to get this, leave the game, you simply surrender to participate. That is true professionalism in sociopathy.
I wonder sometimes if there is something heroic in this. I think not, indeed: as to continue the effort increases, the feeling of being close to the limit and you begin to feel crunches in the first dam. But there is more than a suspicion that he went too far and could not go back, that life has become that form. With the death of illusions, also hopes go to the dogs in a hurry.
I'm torn, sad and angry. 
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